News For Parents .org - Loss of a Family Pet

Coping with the Loss of a Family Pet

The loss of a family pet can be overwhelming - for children and parents. There are no easy ways for parents to help their children cope with this loss. Each family's response will be influenced by a number of factors including their family's beliefs about death, their children's ages, their unique responses, and their emotional maturity.

Here are some ways to help children cope with this challenging time:

Provide age-appropriate information.
Children's understanding of illness and death vary, depending upon a their age and stage of development. For example, a five-year-old will typically require less detailed information than a 12-year-old. Read your children's cues and listen to their questions. Share information that is appropriate for their age and level of development. If you have young children, avoid describing death as being "put to sleep." This may be confusing and elicit bedtime fears.

Be honest.
While it is natural for parents to want to shield their children from grief and sad feelings, it is important to be truthful. Provide honest, simple answers to your children's questions without overwhelming them with too much information. Your pet's veterinarian can be an important resource for you and your children. Depending upon the age of your children, the veterinarian might encourage you to schedule an appointment with your children so they can ask questions and understand their pet's condition.

Share your beliefs.
Every family has unique personal and religious beliefs that influence how they understand and explain death. During times of loss, it can be helpful to identify the beliefs, feelings and support systems that are most relevant to you and share them with your children.

Cherish your memories.
Talking about special times your family has enjoyed with your pet through the years can be an important part of your children's coping process. They might want to create a picture book about their pet or document their memories in a journal. Your family might plant a tree in honor of your pet or hold a memorial service together.

Support their feelings.
Your children might feel confused, sad, angry or frightened. These feelings can be a natural part of the grieving process. Let them know you understand their feelings and that you will help them through this difficult time. Alternatively, your kids might not respond with feelings of grief or sadness. Instead, they might appear indifferent or quickly ask for a new "replacement" pet. Children and adults respond to loss in individual ways. Read your children's cues and pay attention to their mood and behavior during this time.

Seek additional support, when indicated.
If your children seem particularly sad, or you have other concerns, seek professional support.

During this challenging time, your children can learn many life lessons. When you are available to listen, provide honest information, and share meaningful coping strategies, you will nurture and support your children as they learn about treasuring special relationships and coping with loss.

For more information:
American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals www.aspca.org
American Veterinary Medical Association www.avma.org

Books:
Nieburg, Herbert. & Fisher, Arlene. Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and Children, 1996.
Rogers, Fred. When a Pet Dies. 1988.
Wilhelm, Hans. I'll Always Love You. 1985.